Month: June 2013

Love, Today

“I wonder what my Love is doing right now?“
A question for the ages.
The beginning of many love scenes.
You care about someone wherever they may be.

Here’s how it goes down today.
I’m at work, waiting to get picked up.
We’re going to dinner with my Mom.
I’ve completed all possible tasks for the day.

“I wonder what my Love is doing right now?”
Hop onto Family Locator website
She’s shopping.
Hop onto the bank website.
Holy *&^#@#!!!

Back to Family Locator.
She’s still bloody there!
I’m starving!
Where the hell is she?
(Rhetorical. I just found her.)

So, now, I’m starving.
I’m broke.
I’m annoyed.

I don’t really want to know where she is.
Let’s just leave well enough alone.

Monday

Monday.
It is a curse.
Yet, today, just Monday wasn’t good enough.

Rain.
It is a blessing.
Unless it’s in the city, during rush hour.

Traffic.
It is beyond a curse.
Especially in the rain, in a construction zone.

So, I started the week late.
And cranky.
(Some would say “cranky” was a given.)

Can’t we get Monday outlawed?
Or moved to the weekend?

Alone Again

I’m all alone again,
Just me against the crowd.
I may be standing by myself,
But at least I’m standing proud.

I wanted your approval.
I wanted your support.
I tried to add some value,
Even when you sold me short.

I misread your desires for me,
I could never get your rules.
We’d seem to end up fighting,
And we both would look like fools.

It’s not that I don’t love you,
It’s not that I don’t care.
It’s just really hard to miss someone,
When you were never really there.

Nit-Pick

It seems so noisy,
In a lot of online arguments.
This is interesting,
Since so many are a “mute point.”

If you can’t speak, you’re mute.
In that case, the other speaker would win.
If only one person speaks, he wins.
Subject doesn’t matter.
It’s a moot point.

See what I did there?

Remember this story:

Jack and Jill were on their third date.
Jill had managed to be a “good girl” so far.
But tonight, there was chocolate.
And roses.
And tequila.
Jack asked Jill if they could be alone.
He drove his car up to Moot Point.

Dog Senses

So, dogs have a better sense of smell than humans. They have better eyesight than believed before, as they may be able to discern some colors, which is probably why our Cocker Spaniel barks at the HDTV almost constantly and the Chihuahua watches it while sitting on one of the humans. However, while dogs also may have a better sense of hearing, they do not have any real comprehension, although the previously mentioned Cocker Spaniel hates most current pop music (“Good dog, Murphy!”).

Most dogs do have a limited vocabulary (“Sit”, “Stay”, “Dammit!”), but that’s about it. This explains why two of my dogs could get into  a major snarling match while “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding” was playing this afternoon. Irony, anyone?

Close-Outs

Close-outs are really just sales.
I know this from looking at the items.
Some are successes, most are fails.

Close-out really means “selling off stock”.
As in, we won’t make any more of these.
They’re on the chopping block

Sometimes, however, these items
Have your name imprinted.
They’re called personalized items.

This seems just a bit far-fetched.
There is a plant somewhere in China,
Making items with “Kevin Gilhooly” etched.

“Maybe it’s today he’ll finally call”,
All the Chinese workers silently pray,
“He’ll go online or visit at the mall.”

I hope they’re not making pencils just for me,
Hundreds of them inscribed with my name,
In a huge factory across the sea.

That’s what a close-out would be,
“We’re not printing “Kevin Gilhooly” any more,
All the pencils we have is all we foresee“.

I hope that someone shares my name,
There was one in Houston years ago,
So maybe there’s another Kevin once again.

Then, the pencils are his problem.

Resource Action

I did not get fired this week.
Neither did most of my friends.
Some of my friends were told
They should find new jobs.
Immediately.

One was told she had four weeks
To find a job outside the company.
Excuse me, if you’re terminated,
Don’t you have the rest of your life?

I suppose this is a kinder, gentler firing.
At least for the managers.
If it’s a resource action,
You don’t have to fire anyone.
Some resources just got moved.
Away.

I hate MBA-speak.
You fired the poor bastards.
They are not resources.
They are people.
Grow a pair.

Also, I know the jobs are different,
But it’s still a bit uncool
To be hiring outsiders
During a resource action.
Just sayin’.

Multitasking

We are completely wired these days.
You can’t escape the office, no matter where you go.
In fact, you have multiple pathways to the office.
This is a blessing and a curse.

I can answer my emails, Chat online with co-workers,
Watch baseball games (I could, I never would!),
Update Facebook (social networking)
And be on a conference call.

All at the same time.

It’s called multitasking.
Multitasking is great,
Since you get more done.
At least, it can seem that way.

This means, of course,
Not everything gets 100% attention.
So, sometimes, you can get confused.

Here’s some  good tips to help you  –

Re-read all your emails before you press “Send”.
This prevents typos.
Typos could be just misspellings,
Or could be sending “Love you, too, Magic Ass!”
To your customer instead of your wife.

If you answer a question late on a call,
Since you were writing email and chatting,
Always preface with “I’m sorry, I was on mute.”
If you weren’t listening, use the same excuse.

For some reason, if you can’t talk on the phone,
People assume you can’t hear, either.
If you can’t talk or hear, why are you on the phone?

That said –

When you’re on a conference call, go on mute.
This avoids having your dogs heard on the call.
It also avoids yelling “AirHogs WIN!”
When discussing next month’s financials.
Actually, you will still yell it,
If you were watching a game, which I am not,
But at least nobody would hear it.

AirHogs WIN!

After you do your victory dance,
Pick the phone back up, and
If you hear an awkward silence,
Say “I’m sorry, I was on mute.”

Teamless Lead

I am a team lead.
It should be “leader”,
But it’s not.
I lead a crack team of experts.
However, my team is now just me.

How is this possible?
It’s called a re-org.
A re-org is when people are shuffled.
Like cards in a deck,
We are mixed up into a new order.

Why?

That is a question for leaders above me.
Team leads don’t shuffle the deck.
They play the hand they’re dealt.

So, I have a team of one.
Me.

This sounds like an adventure movie.
However, it’s set in an office,
And I’m not Bruce Willis,
So there’s not a lot of adventure.

If this re-org doesn’t work,
I will have a team back.
It may be the same or
It may be different.

I just play the hand that’s dealt me.