What if my dog were a poet?
That would explain the rhythmic barks.
The ones that last all day,
The ones that last throughout the dark.
I think he may be a singer,
And he’s in a protest mood.
“Let me out of my crate!”
“Bring me more food!”
Bark, Bark, Bark, Bark.
Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof.
Hooooowwwwlll.
Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.
Not much rhymes with “woof.”
If my dog were a singer,
I could be very rich.
I just have to translate to English,
And remember he can say “bitch”.
(Editor’s Note: Recycled from the BJE Facebook page, published there August 5, 2010. This makes it a bonus track for NaPoWriMo 2014.)
BJE said – I don’t want to use any real establishment names, because my lawyer said that would be bad. Let’s just say this was written while watching the crowd at a really big mart where Jessica Simpson would think you bought walls.
SuperCenter Blues
with apologies (and a nod) to Right Said Fred
I’m too sexy for this place
I’ve just seen a face
It was on “Without A Trace”
Too sexy …
I’m too sexy for this mart
I’m filling up my cart
I hope that smell’s a fart
Too sexy …
I’m too sexy but I’m old
I’d never be quite so bold
Say, don’t your ass get cold?
Too sexy …
I’m too sexy for my sight
They’re giving me a fright
They all come out at night
Too sexy …
I’m too sexy for this food
I’m hope that I’m not rude
But that chick there’s a dude
Too sexy …
I’m too sexy for this store
I think I saw a whore
I’m running for the door
Too sexy …
I’m too sexy ’cause I’m white
My receipt’s kept out of sight
The guards just nod “Good night!”
Too sexy …
I’m stuck at the office again.
I was going to leave an hour ago.
One thing after another arose.
A dozen “just one more thing to go.”
Traffic is building up outside.
Each minute here adds ten to the drive.
I might as well just stay here now.
I’ll never make it home alive.
It doesn’t matter your position,
From leader down to clerk.
The only way to leave the office early,
Is to never go to work.
I can’t sleep any more.
I can’t sleep any less.
I’m staring at the ceiling.
My brain is quite the mess.
I traveled the world over.
Time zones changing every day.
Now, I’m feeling my eyelids flutter.
While I’m trying to hit the hay.
I took a nap this afternoon,
That should have done the trick.
I’m awake way past my bedtime,
Listening to my clock tick.
I’m never going to sleep again,
I’m just staying up all night.
It’s time to watch infomercials.
I’ve given up the fight.
I’m in this over my head,
I’m in this thing too deep.
The only cure for insomnia
is a good night’s sleep.
Unfiltered Thoughts 