Author: Blind John Ellsworth

Blind John Ellsworth (1960- ), a (questionable) poet and sometimes Texas bluesman. He has recorded one spoken-word album (thankfully unreleased), since he is still trying to learn to play guitar. (Lack of musical skills is what makes him a poet and not a lyricist. Plus, he can’t write music.)

Committees

I was getting work done.
It was difficult, but doable.
Then, I got a co-worker.
Now, work was a bit easier.

We split the task in two.
He did half and I did half.
We just had to compare notes.
Making sure the halves fit together.

Then, we got a couple more people.
Now, work would go really fast!
We each only did a quarter.
It just took longer to make the pieces fit.

So, we got a manager to watch over us.
His job was to make sure the pieces fit.
He would talk to each of us every day.
This started taking up valuable time.

So, we started having team meetings.
We had weekly meetings at first.
This was a place to discuss progress.
We would talk about how the pieces all fit.

Progress seemed slower than at first.
So, we started having daily meetings.
Now, we were talking about why pieces didn’t fit.
This did not seem as positive as before.

Apparently, the daily meetings didn’t work.
So, we got a project manager.
He worked for the manager.
His job was to make sure the meetings fit.

When the meetings took even more time,
Since we had to explain everything to the project manager,
We got a technical consultant to help us.
He was going to make the pieces fit like they did at other places.

He said we needed to stand up at the meetings.
Successful companies can’t afford chairs, I guess.
Now, the meetings would go slightly faster,
But we still seemed to be working more slowly.

We sure are in a lot of meetings.

I miss working by myself.

Alarm

I have a meeting on the phone.
I really need to be alone.

Four dogs are barking at the door.
Whatever are they barking for?

Perhaps the mail arrived at last.
Perhaps a man is walking past.

Perhaps a car is driving by.
Perhaps a leaf is blowing high.

Perhaps the UPS truck is here.
Perhaps someone opened a beer.

Perhaps a train went down the tracks.
Perhaps a boy wearing corduroy slacks.

It must be critical, that’s for sure.
Since all four are barking at the door.

Topics

Topics can be hard to find,
So, every day, I abuse my mind.
Some days are better than others.

Plus, I’m not at sea this year,
With all those topics I hold dear,
So I have to look around my office.

Sigh.

What rhymes with “clutter”?

There is so much clutter,
I heard her mutter.
Her words went through me,
Like a knife through butter.

Sigh.

Maybe I can find a topic on Groupon.

The Palace Guard

Her Majesty sits upon her throne.
We cannot let her sit alone.
With all the gurgling I hear,
I’m pretty sure she sits in fear.

Anyone could break in now,
I have to stop them all somehow.
She’s been in here for quite some time.
I will sit here until at least bedtime.

You cannot enter – “No!”, I say.
Everyone must stay away.
I will always remain in place.
To leave her unguarded – a disgrace.

I will stay here through the night and day.
I will never, ever go away.
I will be here at the closing bell.
I just worry about that awful smell.

Irish Pirate

I am an Irish Pirate.
I drink Guinness every night.
I don’t have a pirate schooner,
So I never have to fight.

It’s hard to be a pirate,
When you can’t go off to sea.
So, I’m stuck here in the pub,
With just a pint or three.

I guess to be a pirate,
I need a large tattoo.
It’s just I don’t like needles,
So I never joined the crew.

I’m going to be a pirate.
I’m going to sail to sea.
I’m going to do it someday.
Just you wait and see.

In the meantime,
Another pint, please.

The River Pee

I’m surfing down the River Pee.
There’s darkness in my hall, you see.
Dogs should only pee in the yard.
But going out sometimes is hard.

So, as I slide along the floor,
I wonder which among our four,
Has left this river in the hall,
That’s now a lake after my fall.

I am an accidental engineer.
A dam’s design was never clear.
Yet, I dammed  the mighty River Pee.
I dammed it when I fell, you see.

It was not the only dam discussed.
I do admit, I may have cussed.
My wife is laughing really hard.
Why won’t her dogs pee in the yard?