Off through the gloom,
To God’s Waiting Room.
I guess I should be glad
We’re not going to Buffalo.
Mr Disney bought a swamp,
Drained it with a Mickey Pump,
And now people go there.
On purpose.
(They’re at the gate next to me.)
No, that last verse didn’t rhyme,
I just didn’t take the time.
Ask Jimmy Buffett what rhymes
With ‘swamp”. He’s from there.
I worry about a State that ends in “Duh”.
My dogs sleep a lot.
Sometimes, just for brief periods.
Would that be a cat nap?
I have said before we need to discover
How to harness all the energy stored
In all the napping dogs in the world.
I am trying to decide if I should wake my dog
Who is sleeping on the couch,
To tell him it’s time to go to bed.
It’s like waking a patient to take a sleeping pill.
Sleeping dogs hope you will let them lie.
Then, they can wander the house late at night.
I’ve noticed since my dogs started sleeping in their crates,
I haven’t been missing as many socks.
Not that I’m accusing anyone.
I’m sure it’s a coincidence.
Thank you to all of those
Who gave their lives for a just cause.
This day was founded to remember you.
Thank you also to those
Who gave their lives for a cause that some
Didn’t think was just.
You were in a difficult situation.
You probably paid a higher price.
Your lives were not in vain.
You leave a legacy of making the ultimate sacrifice,
Even if some of your countrymen were annoyed.
I am not annoyed by your fighting for me,
No matter where the battle was.
Some of your Commanders were idiots.
You are heroes.
Thank you.
Can you kill someone in the audience?
Say, if you were in a work presentation,
And somebody asked a lot of questions.
I mean, a whole lot of questions.
Here’s the tricky part to consider.
The questions have to be really inane.
This is determined by the length of time
Required to answer the question.
Also, by the length of time
Required to get back on topic.
The simple way to tell is by the hair
On the back of the speakers’ neck.
If it’s standing up, congratulations.
You are not alone in your annoyance.
So, should I do the speaker a favor,
And choke the questioner?
Or do I just wait for someone else?
I’m confused about the protocol.
This is why people sleep in meetings.
It’s self-defense against idiots.
If a sonnet falls in the forest,
Does anyone hear it rhyme?
If a sonnet falls in the forest,
Does anyone hear it rhyme?
I was sent home early from the office today.
Not just me, my whole team.
It’s not like I was in detention or anything.
If you’ve seen the news lately,
You can probably guess the reason.
We’re having “weather” in Texas.
It’s a good day to work at home.
“Weather” means rain, wind, thunder, lightning, hail, tornadoes.
Hopefully, not all of them at once.
But usually, at least two.
I don’t mind the rain and thunder, but I am alone on that around here.
Last time we had “weather”, a lot of people had car damage.
Texas employers don’t seem to like parking garages.
You just leave your car on the open prairie.
Then, you hope for the best.
I just felt something bump my leg while I was working.
Turns out, I didn’t get sent home to save my car.
I got sent home so Ripley would have a place to hide.
I guess the Lord answers dog prayers first.
I had a great closing line for a poem today.
I just couldn’t come up with the lines before it.
Then, I realized my brain was probably protecting me.
Sometimes, the brain knows best.
Sometimes, it’s best not to write anything at all.
Especially when you realize it may be slander.
Then, you realize it’s actually libel, since
Slander is said.
Always remember slander is said. Both start with “S”.
See how I’ve managed to distract you from the point?
Now you will wonder who was going to be libeled.
You will have to just keep wondering.
I would slander the person in question,
But only after enough drinks.
That way, I could speak freely,
And nobody would remember.
Slander is safer.
Another mnemonic.
So, there was something useful from all this crap.
Perhaps.
A tree stands in our yard,
Like a mighty oak.
Which is rather interesting,
Since it’s a pecan tree.
Every year, it produces a crop,
The basis of pecan pie.
However, before the crop and harvest,
It must try to carry on its lineage.
This means it must spread its seed.
In the past, there was an easy way.
A pecan tree produced sticky seed pods.
These pods would catch on any animals
Wandering across the vast prairies.
The animals would spread the seed.
Trees would sprout wherever the seed fell.
And the species would continue anew.
Pecan trees would be everywhere.
These days, it’s much more difficult.
The vast open prairies have a fence.
Actually, a pretty tall fence.
Actually, a lot of fences. And Roads. And Houses.
The roaming animals are now my dogs.
They don’t roam outside the yard.
Well, they do come in the house.
Our house is now the vast prairie.
However, pecan trees don’t grow well
Inside a house. On hardwood floors.
Or even in a king-size bed.
I guess the hardwood floors part
Is a bit ironic, really.
So, I’m hoping someday the pecan tree
Realizes that my dogs are not going to help it carry on.
I’m not hopeful of this, of course.
So, instead, this is the time of year
We need a ShopVac in the house.
To stop the new Pecan Forest
From taking over the family room.
If you have some open space,
Would you plant a pecan tree?
It would make my tree feel much better.
I skipped spring training this year.
I went on a cruise, instead.
Now, I am paying the price.
And not just the verbal abuse.
It’s Opening Weekend,
A three-night home stand.
One more night to go.
I am suffering. Mightily.
I forgot about the late hours.
Games all start at seven.
Now, I’m sleep-deprived and have no time to rest.
I will have to schedule conference calls Monday.
I forgot about the post-game discussions.
First, beer is required. I handled that part.
However, I didn’t do my research on baseball topics,
Such as lack of hitting and boob jobs.
I’m hoping I still make the team,
But I will have to step up my game.
The management is watching.
I hope they let me keep my season tickets.
I will never skip Spring Training again.
Unfiltered Thoughts 