All the numbers that I just copied,
Say “This info furnished to the IRS.”
That’s so nice and easy.
The Feds don’t have to guess.
If they have the info already,
And they design the forms to fill.
Why don’t they just do our taxes?
Then just send us out our bill.
My birthday is this Tuesday.
I will spend it recovering from taxes.
Oh, such fun is my birthday!
I will be fifty-nine years old.
Too young to die,
Too old to work at IBM.
My party is not on Tuesday.
My party is this afternoon.
My family celebrates on weekends.
My family is weird that way.
The government moved holidays to Monday,
And my parents misread the memo.
So, today is my party.
Yee haw!
I still won’t get a pony.
Damn.
Maybe Tuesday a pony will arrive.
I’m not holding my breath.
Who can hold their breath for two days?
Weekends should be restful.
A time to recharge and relax.
This weekend, my schedule is not.
I have mentoring, a funeral,
A birthday party and more mentoring.
Plus, homework and taxes.
Can’t I just go to work instead?
Someone once said that
The two most common elements
Were hydrogen and stupidity.
This person did not have a Chihuahua.
If he had, the phrase would have been
The top three elements, and the
Most prevalent of all would have been
lovely, shedding Chihuahua hair.
I went to Peoria, Illinois on business.
It was far away from hearth and home.
I had my computers and my clothes,
And in my suitcase, Chihuahua hair.
My wife is having a midlife crisis.
She dyed her hair purple and blue.
The crisis was just a cover story.
She just wants to know which hair is hers.
If my wife had replaced Neil Armstrong,
The quote for history would have been
“That’s one small step for man …
Dammit! Where is all this hair from?”
Really?
Do you need to ask?
Whenever we’re away,
We thought our dogs would play.
Well, my wife did.
I was pretty sure they snoozed.
Rocky’s in his condo crate,
Behind a little doggie gate,
So, Katie is really the guard.
She has the rest of the house.
This week, I got a PuppyCam,
So Katie got her guard exam.
She failed.
Well, not completely.
Her Mom’s chair was secure.
She watched my couch, for sure.
Anything not between the couch and chair,
Pretty much fair game for invaders.
We were almost back home,
So, Rocky and Katie was still alone.
Then, my wife said,
“Hey! Let’s call her!”
I opened up the app,
Gave the mic a tap,
And said, “Hi, Katie!”
She bounded for the door.
Oops. Now, I feel bad.
My wife is feeling sad.
Well, we’ll be home soon.
Katie started crying.
Well, there goes my heart.
It’s broken apart.
We’re still a half-mile away.
So, I told her, “Soon.”
We got home at last,
She still looked harassed.
I think she got extra food.
I think she forgave us.
We won’t spy anymore,
From outside the door.
It’s caused too much strife.
We’ll just watch the neighbors.
I hate to go outside at night.
It’s very spooky after dark.
There’s danger everywhere you look.
I just have to dodge and bark.
We were watching “Wheel of Fortune”,
Someone tried to buy a vowel.
Then my Mom sent me in the back yard,
And I was scooped up by an owl.
We went flying around the cul-de-sac,
We were flying really low.
I guess I was a bit too heavy,
But Mr. Owl wouldn’t let me go.
I felt his beak nibble me,
His next act was very rude.
He spit me back in my yard.
Owls don’t like Mexican food.
Mom called me in from the yard.
She called me “Chihuahua.”
I think she forgot my name.
How did this happen?
I was told my Grandma
Called dogs by their color.
She never remembered names.
I never met her, but
I know she loved dogs.
Mom loves dogs.
She’s forgetting names.
I wonder if Mom will
Start watching stories?
I took accounting in college.
It was forty years ago.
Twice as long as Sgt. Pepper.
My knowledge has been fully depreciated.
(At least I remember some terms.)
Now, I have to take it again.
It is as brutal as I recalled.
Perhaps even more brutal,
Because the world discovered QuickBooks,
And our instructor has not.
I love accounting!
Said no one ever.
Well, except for
Some college friends,
Who are all now CPAs.
Perhaps CPA is a warning label,
Not a prestigious title.
People to avoid at parties.
Just sayin’.
(No offense to any CPAs.)
I remembered my CPA friends this week.
They seemed so normal back then.
This is to their credit.
Or perhaps to their debit.
Who the hell knows?
I’m moving to Bangalore.
If not India, then Singapore.
Somewhere far away from here.
Approximately twelve hours away.
Then, I can sleep during the day.
I can be awake all damn night.
It’s just over there,
I’ll be in sync with everyone else.
I need a nap.
Writer’s Block came early this month
I can’t find an idea.
There are nonrights or wrongs.
My mind is fully empty,
Except for 80’s songs.
If I can’t find the words,
Maybe I’ll use emojis instead.
Wow. I have no poetry at all,
And emojis hurt my head.
So, this time tomorrow,
I will take my pen in hand.
I’m sure I will write something.
And then will have it panned.
Unfiltered Thoughts 