Category: Blind John Ellsworth

Feed the Neighborhood

“Let’s feed the birds”, she said.
“They all look cold and hungry.”
This meant more than day-old bread.
This became an industry.

The poles went up across the lawn.
They held the many feeders.
Different birds were ever drawn.
Some of them were breeders.

Birds cannot a secret keep.
Someone told the squirrels.
We watched the varmints learn to leap,
To feed based on the bird’s referrals.

The squirrels told a rabbit.
Bunny Mom brought her babies.
Now, there were holes in the lawn.
I hope they don’t have rabies.

The bunny attracted a cat.
Cats don’t want to eat seeds.
The cat will kill little bunnies.
One of some very evil deeds.

The cat never came back,
After the bunnies fled the nest.
It really was a shame it left,
Since rats were our next guests.

Squirrels, bunnies, cats, rats.
All because we fed the birds.
I think we’ll put the food away.
You can mark my words.


Proctology Final Exam

You have accomplished much to date.
You’ve passed all the exams,
You were never late.

There remains one final test.
It’s been called unfair by some,
But it’s really for the best.

Before you perform your first exam,
One important detail remains.
So your patients don’t scram.

Quickly now! We shall not linger.
We merely check the length and width.
Please present your index finger.

Slot Pull

Many ships have casinos.
Casinos help cruises make money.

Cruises need to make money
Since everything else is so cheap.

You can play the slots alone.
Watching your money fade away.

After losing alone gets boring, 
You can join a slot pull. 

A slot pull is a group of people
Taking turns on the same machine. 

A slot pull is actually a triumph
Of peer pressure.

You don’t make money on slots.
You have the receipts to show. 

Slot pullers all know you don’t
Make money playing slots.

So, let’s pool our money,
And we’ll all get rich!

It’s actually a fun way
Spending time with new friends.

If you win,
You share the riches. 

When you lose, 
You share the blame.

Plus, you can wander off
To get another drink.

But turning $20 into $7
Is not really getting rich.

Even if you did spend
An hour playing slots. 

Tick Tick Tick

April now is underway.
The Spring is sprung.
Bugs are out to play.

Alas, it must be getting near.
To complete the forms.
To shed a tear.

It’s soon will be the filing date.
Receipts and bills.
It’s getting late.

I started out late last year.
I did what I could.
I waited here.

Every year, it seems the same.
January fifth, I’m almost done.
April tenth, I’m quite insane.

April fourteenth, I will announce,
“I’ve sent the damn thing in!”
Hope the check won’t bounce.