Category: Random Thoughts

La Sagrada Familia

“Let’s go up!”, she had said.
“It’s good for your head.”
“It will help bring you closer to God.”
The ride up was fine,
It took almost no time.
Then she said, “We get to climb down.”

As she started ahead,
I had a feeling of dread.
I followed her down the way.
On the eighth step, I tripped.
I supposed I just slipped.
I fell forward, and landed head first.

I’ve been stuck in this tower,
For well over an hour.
Nobody’s coming to help.
I’ve screamed and prayed,
Tourists behind seem dismayed,
And the line is growing in length.

The tower’s elite
Grabbed my hands and my feet,
They pulled with all of their might.
No matter how hard they tried,
I’m still stuck inside.
They finally went off to lunch.

So, I’m stuck here on my own,
Wedged into cold stone.
I wonder if I will ever be free.
I’ve been so long stuck,
I learned French and German for “fuck”,
But that hasn’t helped me get down.

I’m pretty sure Gaudi
Did not have an “outie”.
This tower would not be so thin.
He drank wine in liters,
He measured towers in meters,
But my inches just won’t fit at all.

From Paris to Plano,
People are mailing in Drano.
At least the public is trying to help.
I awoke with a scream,
It was all just a bad dream.
I will plan our vacations alone.

Every night when I pray,
I give thanks for the day.
I ask for forgiveness of sin.
Then, I say “For twenty-four hours”,
“Lord, protect me from towers.”
Then, I can go off to sleep.

Thirty

Thirty days hath September,
April, June and November.

Thirty days hath NaPoWriMo.

Thirty poems is a lot.
Thirty good poems may be a bit much to ask.

I may have to go edit a few,
To make them more coherent.
Some, to make them coherent at all.

Thirty has one more meaning.
For the press (old school),
You will see -30- in articles.
It means “The End.”

-30-

(see you next year, or when the fever strikes.)

Progress

The Cutty Sark made seventeen knots,
From London Town to China.
She used the wind to carry tea.
For a time, there were none finer.

The clipper ships were eclipsed
By new ships powered by steam.
The steamship beat the ships with sails,
But sails are still a sailor’s dream.

So, today I’m doing twenty knots,
With diesel-electric power down below.
Three knots faster than the Cutty Sark.
Is it such a better way to go?

Columbus on a Cruise

Imagine if Columbus didn’t have
The Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria.
What if he just took Norwegian?

Sailing out of Barcelona.
Nothing but blue skies and blue seas.
(Maybe a Carnival ship, but that’s confusing.)

“Sir! We’re out of salt tack!”
The buffet is on deck 10.
Washy, Washy. Happy, Happy.

“Sir! I burned my eyes with the sextant.”
Why aren’t you using the GPS?
Why are we steering manually, anyway?

“Sir! When will we arrive?”
We should be in Miami on Tuesday.
I’ll be in the casino.

Life, Simplified

I could just close all my accounts.
Drop all my online presences.
Remove all aspects of me.

There’s a better way.
Here’s how to find your real friends.
They’re connected online, but
They’re connected offline, as well.

Let’s find the people that actually know you.
The ones that know you don’t fit a mold.
Not all your beliefs align with theirs,
But that’s OK with them.

You have a lot of Facebook friends.
Everybody does.
They make a lot of noise.
Who needs that much volume?

Week One of the cleanse.
Change your Facebook photo to
Ted Cruz for President!
See if your friends list diminishes.

Week Two of the cleanse.
New Facebook photo is now
Hillary in 2016! 
Other friends will drop away.

Two weeks into the process,
You’re losing friends left and right.
(See what I did there?)

Week Three of the cleanse.
Facebook photo becomes
Gay Rights For Everyone!
That will make people wonder.

Week Four of the cleanse.
Facebook photo is Jesus.
Jesus for President 2016!
(Actually, He’s ineligible to run,
Unless He can find a Hawaiian birth certificate.)

Now, see how many “friends”
You have left online.
Maybe you didn’t need that
Many friends after all.

Now, ask your real friends
What they thought about the month.
Some will find it hilarious.
Others will just say you’re insane.

Your real friends are any of them
That didn’t even notice.

Feel better?

Death and Taxes

I prefer death.

(What? Too short?)

We should be able to
Earmark our tax dollars.
Pick the programs you need.
Pay for what you believe in.

Pick what you want.
Pay for what sounds sexy.
Defund the wasteful.
(Since Congress won’t.)

I bet NASA and the military
Would get fully funded
(from the fly-over states.)
We like guns and astronauts.

Welfare would get slashed,
Because people in power
Just want to help the poor
With your money,
Not with their own.

We’d have less bridges to nowhere.
We’d have less weird studies.
We might have more security.
We might get out of debt.

Do you know why they passed an amendment
For the government to collect income taxes?
Because only an idiot would give
The government his money voluntarily.

Retirement

I don’t have to go to the office.
I don’t have to read email.
I don’t have any meetings.
No projects today will fail.

I can spend time with my honey.
I can spend time with my dogs.
I would spend time with them,
But they’re all snoring like logs.

I’ve had four cups of coffee.
I had a piece of cake.
I’m trying to keep busy,
But it’s hard to stay awake.

Years of changing bosses,
Always fearing getting fired.
Six hours into retirement,
Do you think I can get rehired?