Category: Random Thoughts

Vacation End

A vacation used to end when Dad said,
“Let’s get in the car. We’re late.”

Then, the end was when a flight attendant said,
“Would you like another Scotch? We’re landing in fifteen minutes.”

Later, vacation’s end was your wife asking,
“Are you going to help pack or just sit there?”

On a cruise, the vacation ends when you say,
“Wait. I need to get my wallet out of the safe.”

Lessons Learned

Never say “I never get seasick.”
Unless you are near a restroom.

When you get home and drive back to work,
Your rush hour speed will be the same as the ship’s.

You can easily over-eat at the buffet.
This can be avoided by over-drinking.

In a group of thousands of passengers,
You will see the same ten over and over.

If a red light is on by the restroom door,
You can meet someone by opening it.
(They may not want to meet you.)

If your fruit juice tastes funny,
Somebody forgot the rum.

If you are not within sight of a bar or restaurant,
You are overboard. Call for help.

Atlantic Crossing

Waves crashing around me.
It’s the water in the pool.
Maybe this isn’t that bad a storm.

In olden times,
Knots on a rope measured speed.
Meat was salted for preservation.
Sailors wore earrings to pay for  funerals.

It’s different these days.
They have refrigerators
If you forgot an earring,
Check the sale at the gift shop.
The Captain still uses knots, though.

Jimmy Buffett looked at the sea
When he turned forty.
He was a pirate, two hundred years too late.
So are all the bankers and dentists
That go to his concerts.
Actually, they’re just getting drunk.

I am not a pirate, unfortunately.
I am not even a sailor.
I’m just along for the ride,
And waiting for a margarita.
Wrong Jimmy Buffett song.

Conditions Deteriorating

Out in the Atlantic,
Rocking with the waves.
Wind is gaining strength.
Time to leave the balcony.

Bit harder to walk around,
As we weave from side to side.
Like sailors of yore,
Hold on somewhere.

I’ve never been in gale-force winds.
Think it’s time to hunker down,
Hoping it will pass.
At least it’s not raining any more.

Now, a truly frightening issue.
With the wind and waves,
The WiFi connection is questionable.
A storm at sea is one thing.
No Facebook is a crisis.

The Crossing

A long time ago,
My grandfather left Ireland.
He traveled to London,
And then, to America.

It was time to leave his home
For a better home somewhere else.
Joining crowds of immigrants
In a melting pot abroad.

I should thank my grandfather
For deciding to leave Ireland.
If he had not made that choice,
I would be an Irish farmer today,
Except my parents would never have met.

Now, I retrace his route
On board the Norwegian Breakaway.
We sailed from London for New York.
Seven days at sea to the New World.

I don’t think he was in a mini-suite.
He may not have had 24-hour room service.
However, other than that,
We’re historically accurate.

Welcome to America, Grandpa.

Theme Park

I was visiting a theme park this week.
It is called “London.”
There is a similar one closer to home.
It’s called “New York.”

Both parks have workers called “natives.”
They are paid to ignore visitors in the park.
Some are apparently paid to be rude to visitors.
Don’t be offended.
It’s just their job.

Both are role-playing parks.
You are called a “tourist.”
Just dress like you would at home.
There’s no set tourist uniform.

Some tourists do like matching t-shirts.
Some wear funny hats.
Avoid these people.
They are über-tourists.
They are dorks.

Both parks have hidden places to buy supplies.
If you buy supplies at stores for tourists,
You can get over-charged. A lot.

For example, water can cost $2 per bottle.
This is a rip-off, of course.
However, tourist water can be three times that.
It has a flag or map printed on the label.
The label makes it cost more.

So, you have to follow natives and see where they go.
This is challenging, because they are ignoring you.
(Again, some are being rude.)
Places natives go have slightly less outrageous prices.
Most of the time.

Finding natives means finding people that don’t look lost.
People that do look lost are other tourists and you avoid them.
You lose points with natives if you are seen with other tourists.

Both parks have one main thrill ride.
In New York, it’s the “Subway.”
In London, it’s the “Tube.”
(It’s the same basic ride.)

On both, you try to avoid annoying any natives.
On the longer version of the ride, you avoid getting robbed.
(Look out for guns and knives on the New York ride.)

You must dodge tourists who are dragging luggage around.
Some tourists have children with them.
Some have both. These are the worst.
Don’t run into them.
If they hit you, you lose points.
Or limbs.
Luggage is heavy.

The goal of the ride is to get where you’re going.
You just can’t look anyone in the eye.
Eye contact is a way to lose.

Asking directions loses you points with natives.
Giving other tourists wrong directions is a foul.
Unless they are funny, like sending them to the wrong stop.
This will amuse the natives, if they know you are lying.
If you are lost, too, they will be rude to you.

For experienced tourists, find the shortest route to win.
In the beginner’s game, just get back alive.
This ride can take all day.
Prepare accordingly.

If you get tired of the Tube ride game,
London also has a bonus game.
It is called “Find a Drink with Ice.”
This is for advanced tourists only.
Natives can not help with this one.

Enjoy your time in the park!

Preservation

At home, it seems that
We move our old things to museums.
Then, we can reuse the space for malls.
You can never have enough malls.

In some places (like England),
They move ancient things to museums, but
Their old things are just used.
They are preserved, not for history,
But because they still work.

Castles, for instance.
Cathedrals, where the religion may change,
But the church still stands.
Pubs, too.

Manifest Destiny caused Planned Obsolescence.
If you’re going to go West (young man) anyway,
Your stuff doesn’t have to last quite as long.

It’s sad that we build things we know won’t last.
Everything would be higher quality if we expected
Generations of descendants to use them, as well.

Next time you build a house, try this.
Think “My great-grandchildren will live here.”
Think “People will visit here in 300 years.”
(Thinking “I need a wall to keep the French out” is optional.)