If you remove the fluff,
Like “We’ll start in a minute”,
And “Who just joined?”
If you skip the endless replies
About not hearing the question,
Or “Sorry. I was on mute”.
If you forget the happy puppies,
Ignore the background spouses.
And just focus on the subject.
You may get ten minutes of value
For an hour-long call.
Why do we do this?
Damn.
Ugh.
Ah-choo!
Is it really already morning?
How much longer can I just snooze?
How bad could traffic be today?
What more do I have to lose?
I hate Mondays.
I’m always in some pain.
I wish I had another shirt.
Will someone see this stain?
Wow. Traffic. Lovely.
Looks like all the roads are blocked.
I should’ve worked at home today.
I should just go get crocked.
Only twenty minutes late.
That shouldn’t damage my career.
Especially after I walk the halls,
And see nobody else is here.
I need a quart of coffee.
Just stick it in a vein.
I need to keep it coming.
It helps to ease the pain.
Mornings are a torture.
Monday morning doubly so.
Let’s go and have a meeting.
It’s the only way to go.
Is it time to go home yet?
Today, I work with computers,
I’m in a tiny cubicle every day.
We have lots of useless meetings,
And there’s never time to play.
I’d much rather be a pirate,
Who would sail the Seven Seas.
My crew would conquer ocean liners,
and bring them to their knees.
I’ll climb aboard the captured ship,
And slowly draw my pirate sword.
The fearful Captain would surrender,
And my crew would come aboard.
I’ll yell, “Give me your booty!”
The passengers would go nuts.
Rich women threw their jewelry,
Ghetto women showed their butts.
We’d sail away with riches.
I’ll have millions stashed away.
Yet, I’ll be a corporate pirate,
With team meetings on Monday.
Woke up my laptop this morning,
Immediate Blue Screen of Death.
Time to go make coffee,
Then stop and catch my breath.
A cold and dead laptop.
This is not how to start a day.
Of course, it means a half-hour
To restart and pray.
I really hate Windows.
Every version seems slower.
My expectations were low,
But they’re falling still lower.
My company wants me to upgrade.
“Go to Linux”, they said.
But their products are on Windows.
It’s really hurting my head.
The coffee is ready,
My laptop is restarted.
It’s time for the morning,
Not for the faint-hearted.
Tomorrow is “Take Your Dog to Work Day’.
I worked at home today,
So my dogs were already here.
They could come visit me.
Over and over again.
I had multiple breeds snoring all day.
I still managed to get some work done.
Mainly, because they sleep so much.
(They would love conference calls.)
However, I had an interesting thought.
Dogs in an office could cause strange utterances.
Some of these would be actionable, if aimed at people, not dogs.
What if you were writing a report and heard:
“Stop scratching me!”
“Get down!”
“Get off of me!”
and, of course, the big one:
“Rocky! Stop humping her!”
HR would not be amused.
So, before you take your dogs to work,
Discuss it with your co-workers.
Make sure humping will be OK for one day.
Maybe it’s best to just work at home.
I’m almost out of time.
I have no assistance.
I have four other projects due.
I have heartburn.
I have a bad attitude.
So, I declare victory.
This project is done!
It may not be complete.
It may not be coherent.
However, it is done.
I have spoken.
I am a team lead.
It should be “leader”,
But it’s not.
I lead a crack team of experts.
However, my team is now just me.
How is this possible?
It’s called a re-org.
A re-org is when people are shuffled.
Like cards in a deck,
We are mixed up into a new order.
Why?
That is a question for leaders above me.
Team leads don’t shuffle the deck.
They play the hand they’re dealt.
So, I have a team of one.
Me.
This sounds like an adventure movie.
However, it’s set in an office,
And I’m not Bruce Willis,
So there’s not a lot of adventure.
If this re-org doesn’t work,
I will have a team back.
It may be the same or
It may be different.
I just play the hand that’s dealt me.
This sounds like a wonderful project!
I’m sure that it will work out splendidly.
In fact, I know just the person to help you with it.
He’s not available at the moment,
But I know he will be happy to jump on it.
I will send you his email with an intro,
So you should feel free to call him anytime.
I will just get out of the way now,
Since I don’t want to impede your progress.
This sounds like a critical project,
So I want the right people on it.
I’m glad I could help!
Six-hour meeting.
Just shoot me now.
I have to survive it.
I’m just not sure how.
Can you kill someone in the audience?
Say, if you were in a work presentation,
And somebody asked a lot of questions.
I mean, a whole lot of questions.
Here’s the tricky part to consider.
The questions have to be really inane.
This is determined by the length of time
Required to answer the question.
Also, by the length of time
Required to get back on topic.
The simple way to tell is by the hair
On the back of the speakers’ neck.
If it’s standing up, congratulations.
You are not alone in your annoyance.
So, should I do the speaker a favor,
And choke the questioner?
Or do I just wait for someone else?
I’m confused about the protocol.
This is why people sleep in meetings.
It’s self-defense against idiots.
Unfiltered Thoughts 