Category: Pain

Committees

I was getting work done.
It was difficult, but doable.
Then, I got a co-worker.
Now, work was a bit easier.

We split the task in two.
He did half and I did half.
We just had to compare notes.
Making sure the halves fit together.

Then, we got a couple more people.
Now, work would go really fast!
We each only did a quarter.
It just took longer to make the pieces fit.

So, we got a manager to watch over us.
His job was to make sure the pieces fit.
He would talk to each of us every day.
This started taking up valuable time.

So, we started having team meetings.
We had weekly meetings at first.
This was a place to discuss progress.
We would talk about how the pieces all fit.

Progress seemed slower than at first.
So, we started having daily meetings.
Now, we were talking about why pieces didn’t fit.
This did not seem as positive as before.

Apparently, the daily meetings didn’t work.
So, we got a project manager.
He worked for the manager.
His job was to make sure the meetings fit.

When the meetings took even more time,
Since we had to explain everything to the project manager,
We got a technical consultant to help us.
He was going to make the pieces fit like they did at other places.

He said we needed to stand up at the meetings.
Successful companies can’t afford chairs, I guess.
Now, the meetings would go slightly faster,
But we still seemed to be working more slowly.

We sure are in a lot of meetings.

I miss working by myself.

Tex-Mex Blues

I love Tex-Mex food.
I would eat it every day.
Rice, beans and nachos,
What else is there to say?

It’s just sometimes,
There is a dramatic effect.
Like a volcano erupting somewhere,
Or a pilot forced to eject.

Today, my wife dragged me shopping.
She bribed me with Tex-Mex first.
We got to the store and I felt rumblings.
It’s not like something was about to burst.

I thought.

So, my colon blew out in WalMart,
I was stranded in the stall.
The guard came to check for theft,
But I hadn’t taken anything at all.

(Well, I took a dump. But, really, I left it. Thank you, George Carlin.)

Freedom Of Expression

For Ripley, a beloved pain in my ass

I wish I had a pair of hands,
So, I could just express my glands.

I’m having some intensive gas,
I need someone to squeeze my ass.

I’ve had my usual daily poo,
But I fear my glands are filled with goo.

It’s time to go and see the vet.
Don’t squeeze too hard, or you’ll get wet.

The vet will never do the job,
Vet techs have to squeeze out the glob.

My butt is clean as a whistle,
Next time, I’ll sit on Mommy’s Bissell.

Zoned Out

I wish I lived on East Coast time.
I’m so tired now, the words don’t rhyme.

This meeting started right at nine,
Or eight bloody AM, Central Time.

Last week, I had a class right after lunch.
So it was during mine, so thanks a bunch.

It could be worse, I always say.
I could live on the Coast, say, in LA.

California is the place you ought to be,
If you want meetings before you can even see.

New York is the center of the universe, fine.
Just stop making us work on New York time.

Sometimes

Sometimes you’re soft,
Sometimes you’re tough.
You’re always doing your best,
Sometimes, that’s just not enough.

Your parents will love you,
They’ll try to make you a man.
Sometimes, they just scar you,
By doing the best that they can.

Sometimes, you’re happy,
Sometimes, you’re hurt.
Just keep trying to reach higher,
Sometimes, you’ll rise from the dirt.

Your friends will support you,
They all stand by your side.
Sometimes, you’re alone,
Since they’ve decided to hide.

Sometimes, you’re working,
Sometimes, you’ll play.
Just do what you believe in,
Sometimes, it will finally pay.