Category: Pets

All about our pets, and the critters in the yard

Dog Talk

We have a very vocal puppy.
Her name is Katie.
She talks all the time.
(She gets it from her Mom.)

The problem with a vocal puppy,
Is that nobody in the house speaks Dog.
With the exception of the Chihuahua,
And nobody speaks Spanish, either.

Katie howls at the front window.
This means, “Mail’s here.”
Unless, “The yard man is mowing.”
Sometimes, “A leaf blew in the street.”

Katie whimpers by the bed.
(Only in the middle of the night.)
This means, “I must go outside.”
Or, “Daddy’s sleeping in my spot.”
Sometimes, “Can you get me a snack?”

Katie whines in the kitchen.
This means, “Feed me now.”
Perhaps, “I would like some attention.”
Rarely, “My goodness, I am full.”

Katie cries by the back door.
This means, “Potty, please.”
Unless it means, “The neighbors are loud.”
Maybe, “There is noise out front, but this door has a window.”

Katie moans by the bedroom door.
On the outside, “Let me in!”
On the inside, “Let me out!”
That one, we understand.

A Bird’s Saga

Daddy said, “It’s time to fly!”
I did not know it’s do or die.
I heard the coffee start to perk,
Then he and Mom went off to work.

Today, I left my little bed.
I fell and cracked my little head.
As I tried to clear my brain,
Help appeared to stop my pain.

A Chihuahua stopped to render aid.
He picked me up from where I laid.
I heard his Dad yell, “Rocky, NO!”
Why won’t he let him help me so?

Ouch. I feel teeth upon my back.
I think I may become a snack.
Wait. He dropped me on the grass.
His Dad just saved my feathered ass.

Some lady put me in a box.
She took me quickly, like a fox.
Wait. Fox is not the best example.
Foxes also like a bird to sample.

The lady put me outside the fence.
I’m starting to regain my sense.
I wonder how I get back home.
I should fly and not just roam.

I don’t know where I go from here.
At least there is no dog to fear.
I have a pain all through my head.
The lesson? Don’t get out of bed.


Katie’s Blues

I want it heard across the nation!
I am dying of starvation!
And I only had sixteen hours of sleep.

My parents say they need me,
But they never seem to feed me.
At least never more than twice a day.

I’m lying softly on their bed,
Waiting desperately to be fed.
And now, I think I have to pee.

I need this door unlocked.
I’ve knocked and knocked and knocked.
My paws can’t turn this stupid handle.

I’ll just go back to sleep.
I won’t even make a peep.
No-one knows the pain I’m in.

Sigh.

The Owl’s Song

Editor’s Note: Blind John Ellsworth is dedicated to animal welfare, and wants all pets to be safe. So, it pains him to see reports of neighbors “losing” pets because they are left outside unattended — or worse, are “outside” pets. So, here’s a reminder.

There is a majestic old owl.
He patrols when the skies are black.
I thought he was looking for Tootsie-Pops,
But I think he’s looking for a snack.

When the wind is low,
Behind my bungalow.
I can hear the owl’s song.
If you know it, sing along.

Who let the dogs out?
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Burp.

Elements

Someone once said that
The two most common elements
Were hydrogen and stupidity.
This person did not have a Chihuahua.

If he had, the phrase would have been
The top three elements, and the
Most prevalent of all would have been
lovely, shedding Chihuahua hair.

I went to Peoria, Illinois on business.
It was far away from hearth and home.
I had my computers and my clothes,
And in my suitcase, Chihuahua hair.

My wife is having a midlife crisis.
She dyed her hair purple and blue.
The crisis was just a cover story.
She just wants to know which hair is hers.

If my wife had replaced Neil Armstrong,
The quote for history would have been
“That’s one small step for man …
Dammit! Where is all this hair from?”

Really?
Do you need to ask?

Rocky’s Adventure

I hate to go outside at night.
It’s very spooky after dark.
There’s danger everywhere you look.
I just have to dodge and bark.

We were watching “Wheel of Fortune”,
Someone tried to buy a vowel.
Then my Mom sent me in the back yard,
And I was scooped up by an owl.

We went flying around the cul-de-sac,
We were flying really low.
I guess I was a bit too heavy,
But Mr. Owl wouldn’t let me go.

I felt his beak nibble me,
His next act was very rude.
He spit me back in my yard.
Owls don’t like Mexican food.

Starvation Diet, Chihuahua-Style

Rocky! It’s time to eat! 
I can’t come in right now.
I think I heard a cow.
Or maybe a cat.
Anyhoo, I have to patrol.

ROCKY! It’s dinner time!
Please just let me be.
I’m guarding you, you see.
There is something lurking.
I must kill or maim it.
Anyhoo, I’ll be in later.

ROCKY! I’M GIVING KATIE YOUR FOOD!
I’m sure you would be upset.
If a burglar stole your pet.
So, I’m running all around.
Makes me less of a target.
Anyhoo, I’m working on my steps.

ROCKFORD. NOW. OR I KILL YOU.
The yard is cleared at last.
The dangers all are past.
Is there any food around here?
I’m starving.
Why don’t we eat on time?