Category: Pets

All about our pets, and the critters in the yard

Pets Are Not Children

Pets are not children,
They don’t even date.
They never go to college,
They can sleep in a crate.

Pets are not children,
Even if they wear clothes.
Do you think about your child,
Where did he last stick that nose?

Pets are not children,
They will play all day long.
And the other parents
Can’t say they’re doing it wrong.

Pets are not children,
They can play all alone.
But when it gets really quiet,
They’re destroying your home.

Pets are not children,
Some would say they’re more.
However, I don’t think my child
Ever peed on the kitchen floor.

Murder By Reason of Poetry

Katie
You have a big ol’ belly,
And you’re kinda smelly.
You remind me of Mom.

Murphy
You seem kinda bitchy,
And you’re always itchy.
You remind me of Mom.

Rocky
You’re a wee bit lazy,
And you’re kinda crazy.
You remind me of Mom.

Ripley
You’re always nappin’,
And your gums are flappin’.
You remind me of Mom.

You know where this is leading,
I’m lying here bleeding.
Just for singing this song.

(Don’t ever sing silly songs to your dogs. It can get you killed. Apparently.)

A Day With Katie

Mom hates my barking,
Even when morning is here.
So, I guess I’ll wake up Daddy,
Just put my tongue inside his ear.

Watching all my brothers
On an early morning stroll.
Hit them just bellow the ribcage,
And you can watch them roll.

Mom and Dad are out,
I’m now the Patrol Guy.
Nothing looks suspicious,
But these Kleenex have to die.

Daddy’s on a conference call,
Mommy reading her iPad.
I really need to visit the yard,
So I guess I’ll go get Dad.

Daddy rubbed my belly,
Mommy scratched my head.
The lights are turning out.
It’s time to go to bed.

Flower

Editor’s Note: This was written during a series of puppy health crises in April, earlier this year. I almost deleted it when Flower rallied at that point, but sadly, I knew someday, I would need it. She crossed the bridge on August 13, 2014. 

A Rose had many children.
Four girls and a boy.
But she only had one Flower,
Who was her pride and joy.

Fifteen years later,
Her Flower is feeling old.
It’s finally changing from Winter,
But it’s still a little cold.

The air is filled with pollen,
All the birds begin to sing.
A sad thing to discover,
Sometimes Flowers die in Spring.

Freedom

Guest post from @PsychoPupRocky

Racing around on Mom’s new floors.
It’s faster since there are no doors.

The dining room was out of bounds,
But now it’s part of our rounds.

I’m trying to hit a new max speed,
Since Katie’s always in the lead.

After days just sitting in my crate,
Freedom really does feel great.

Katie chasing Murphy and me,
Just be careful not to step in pee.

Early

The definition of “early” should be
A picture of a sleeping dog,
With one eye opened (barely),
Looking up as you get out of bed,
And thinking “You’re kidding, right?”

I hate early morning meetings.
I really hate those early meetings
That I fight rush-hour traffic to attend,
Only to find they aren’t actually happening.

People would be violently punished,
But I’m too tired to move.
I think they know this, otherwise,
The meeting would have happened.

Dog Poetry

What if my dog were a poet?
That would explain the rhythmic barks.
The ones that last all day,
The ones that last throughout the dark.

I think he may be a singer,
And he’s in a protest mood.
“Let me out of my crate!”
“Bring me more food!”

Bark, Bark, Bark, Bark.
Woof, Woof, Woof, Woof.
Hooooowwwwlll.
Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.

Not much rhymes with “woof.”

If my dog were a singer,
I could be very rich.
I just have to translate to English,
And remember he can say “bitch”.

Rocky Relationship

I thought that you were sexy,
Thought we might go to bed.
Then, when I turned around,
You had a Chihuahua on your head.

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I still thought that you were pretty,
You’re as pretty as could be.
I wonder if our insurance covers
A Chihuahua-ectomy.

You could have been a pirate,
Your parrot by your side.
Instead, you have a puppy,
Who always likes to hide.

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Rocky’s such a cute little doggie.
He’s really cute as heck.
I’m glad he’s a Chihuahua,
Since a Cocker would break your neck.

I hope this isn’t forward,
I hope I don’t sound crass.
Your hair smells like Head & Shoulders,
But your shoulders smell like ass.

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Chihuahua Blues

Hey, why is my shoe in the living room?
It was in the bedroom just a minute past.
I can’t limp to work in just one shoe.
So, I’m glad I found it at last.

I don’t know,
I didn’t take it.
I never saw it,
I can’t fake it.
It just appeared next to me.

This pen has traveled a long way.
It’s home is on the kitchen table,
And now it’s on the office floor.
It crossed the house. How was it able?

I don’t know,
I didn’t take it.
I never saw it,
I can’t fake it.
It just appeared next to me.

Why is my bra is buried in the back yard?
A lonely strap is peeking from the dirt.
It’s tragic that I didn’t know it was dead.
I didn’t even think it was hurt.

I don’t know,
I didn’t take it.
I never saw it,
I can’t fake it.
It just appeared next to me.

I had another verse for this song.
Scratched out on a paper scrap.
It was really funny, too.
Not like the rest of this crap.

I don’t know,
I didn’t take it.
I never saw it,
I can’t fake it.
I am not chewing on it.
No, not I.

I blame the Shih-Tzu.