Pets – Page 7 – Unfiltered Thoughts

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

All the dogs go out.
Almost.
One stayed behind.

Ripley.

Some dogs are pointers.
Some are retrievers.
Ripley is a napper.

Mom leads all the dogs out.
Well, the dogs lead Mom out.
Nails on tile clicking.

Dad struggles to awaken.
He’s alone for a moment.
Or is he?

Ripley.

There’s a napper.
He’s still in his crate.
Door’s wide open.

He is not coming out.
Not voluntarily.
Eight AM is much too early.

Ripley looks at Dad.
Ripley is thinking,
“This isn’t the dog you’re looking for.”

Dad starts towards the crate.
“You can go about your business.”
Dad thinks for a minute.

Dad hesitates, confused.
“Move along.”
Dad goes for coffee.

Ripley is a Jedi napper.

Walking Blues

For Warren and Rocky

I’m so sad and lonely,
I don’t know what to do.
I’m walking ’round in circles,
‘Cause my puppy stole my shoe.

I’m going barefoot now,
It’s almost more than I can handle.
I’ve stubbed my toes all over,
‘Cause a Chihuahua has my sandal.

Up and down I’m fallin’,
It’s the only way I feel.
Up and down all over,
‘Cause I only have one heel.

I’m limpin’ back to Memphis.
I’m so sad and blue.
I’m limpin’ back to Memphis,
‘Cause I only have one shoe.

Wardrobe

Down the hall,
The Chihuahua flew,
Mom close behind,
Yelling, “Where’s my shoe?”

Out in the yard,
The Cocker licked his paw.
Out came Mom,
Yelling, “Where’s my bra?”

From within a crate,
The Terrier attacks.
Dad has clothes for Church,
Since he has holy slacks.

Editor’s Note: The shoe is still missing. Any information gratefully accepted.

Wondering

We have a Cocker Spaniel.
His name is Murphy.
Murphy is chocolate colored,
With blonde tendencies.

Still, Spaniels are intelligent.
They were bred to retrieve.
Hunters would hunt woodcocks,
Cockers would bring them back.

So, Cockers have good eyes,
The ability to find small items,
And a soft mouth to carry it.

(Murphy actually has bad eyes,
And he can’t find much,
But still.)

I don’t have any woodcocks handy.
There aren’t any dead birds in the yard.
Plus, Rocky would get to dead birds first.

So, I thought Murphy could be retrained.
Yet, he refuses to bring me coffee.
Maybe if I get a bird-shaped mug.

My Dog is a Lawyer

My Dog is a Lawyer.
He can split hairs with the finest,
Which may be why his hairs are all over.

“Rocky! Don’t jump on the couch!”
I never shall again.
I was obviously in the wrong.
I apologize from here on the table.

“Rocky! Don’t chew my shoe!”
Your tennis shoes will never again touch my mouth.
My deepest apologies.
Your sandals are still available, true?

“Rocky! Stop eating bugs!”
Ah, I assumed any protein was allowed.
Thank you for clarifying the matter.
Would you like to share this dead snake?

“Rocky! Don’t fight with Murphy!”
My misunderstanding.
My apologies, Murphy, my good chum.
Flower, you must now die.

Working At Home

Tomorrow is “Take Your Dog to Work Day’.
I worked at home today,
So my dogs were already here.

They could come visit me.
Over and over again.
I had multiple breeds snoring all day.

I still managed to get some work done.
Mainly, because they sleep so much.
(They would love conference calls.)
However, I had an interesting thought.

Dogs in an office could cause strange utterances.
Some of these would be actionable, if aimed at people, not dogs.

What if you were writing a report and heard:
“Stop scratching me!”
“Get down!”
“Get off of me!”

and, of course, the big one:

“Rocky! Stop humping her!”

HR would not be amused.

So, before you take your dogs to work,
Discuss it with your co-workers.
Make sure humping will be OK for one day.

Maybe it’s best to just work at home.

The Attic

The attic was a magical place,
Where all of your past was stored.
If you didn’t want to toss it,
Up to the attic it went.

Of course, in some regions,
It was down to the basement, instead.
It depends on where you live.

Then again, if you’re scared to go in the attic,
Or you don’t have a basement,
You might use the garage.

I fear I’m getting off track.

Now, everything is going digital.
So, photos and albums aren’t in the attic.
They’re on your hard drive.
Hopefully.

If you don’t have a good filing system,
And I certainly don’t,
Then, your hard drive is a magical place.
You never know what you might find.

As long as you don’t find love letters
From someone who’s not in your house,
There is no telling what you share.

I found our late budgie’s first record.
Well, it’s not really a record,
It’s just a bunch of MP3s.
Still, it’s more than I ever recorded.

So, look around your hard drive.
You never know what you may find.
I hope it’s magical.

—————————-

Here’s Basil’s first record, for your listening pleasure. He didn’t write particularly long songs, but then again, he was a budgie.

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

My dogs sleep a lot.
Sometimes, just for brief periods.
Would that be a cat nap?

I have said before we need to discover
How to harness all the energy stored
In all the napping dogs in the world.

I am trying to decide if I should wake my dog
Who is sleeping on the couch,
To tell him it’s time to go to bed.
It’s like waking a patient to take a sleeping pill.

Sleeping dogs hope you will let them lie.
Then, they can wander the house late at night.
I’ve noticed since my dogs started sleeping in their crates,
I haven’t been missing as many socks.

Not that I’m accusing anyone.
I’m sure it’s a coincidence.

Purpose

I was sent home early from the office today.
Not just me, my whole team.
It’s not like I was in detention or anything.

If you’ve seen the news lately,
You can probably guess the reason.
We’re having “weather” in Texas.
It’s a good day to work at home.

“Weather” means rain, wind, thunder, lightning, hail, tornadoes.
Hopefully, not all of them at once.
But usually, at least two.
I don’t mind the rain and thunder, but I am alone on that around here.

Last time we had “weather”, a lot of people had car damage.
Texas employers don’t seem to like parking garages.
You just leave your car on the open prairie.
Then, you hope for the best.

I just felt something bump my leg while I was working.
Turns out, I didn’t get sent home to save my car.
I got sent home so Ripley would have a place to hide.
I guess the Lord answers dog prayers first.

Futility

A tree stands in our yard,
Like a mighty oak.
Which is rather interesting,
Since it’s a pecan tree.

Every year, it produces a crop,
The basis of pecan pie.
However, before the crop and harvest,
It must try to carry on its lineage.

This means it must spread its seed.
In the past, there was an easy way.
A pecan tree produced sticky seed pods.

These pods would catch on any animals
Wandering across the vast prairies.
The animals would spread the seed.

Trees would sprout wherever the seed fell.
And the species would continue anew.
Pecan trees would be everywhere.

These days, it’s much more difficult.
The vast open prairies have a fence.
Actually, a pretty tall fence.
Actually, a lot of fences. And Roads. And Houses.

The roaming animals are now my dogs.
They don’t roam outside the yard.
Well, they do come in the house.

Our house is now the vast prairie.
However, pecan trees don’t grow well
Inside a house. On hardwood floors.
Or even in a king-size bed.

I guess the hardwood floors part
Is a bit ironic, really.

So, I’m hoping someday the pecan tree
Realizes that my dogs are not going to help it carry on.
I’m not hopeful of this, of course.

So, instead, this is the time of year
We need a ShopVac in the house.
To stop the new Pecan Forest
From taking over the family room.

If you have some open space,
Would you plant a pecan tree?
It would make my tree feel much better.