Category: Relationships

A long time ago

A long time ago,
And far, far away,
I saw her standing there,
Watching some new band play.

The Beatles changed the world.
Their music still resounds.
It’s better than today’s pop,
But this isn’t really about them.

The year before the Sullivan show,
(an even longer time ago),
My wife came into this world.
Not a band, but solo.

Her family pokes fun,
They tell her now she’s old.
She’s the baby, though,
So their insults run cold.

I would never poke fun.
It’s not my style.
I try to honor the aged,
As they begin their final mile.

All I can say is:

Oh, yeah, I tell you something,
I think you’ll understand.
When I tell you something,
I wanna hold your hand.

Mainly because,
I really don’t think
You should cross the street alone.
Not at your age.

Sick Leave

I’m sorry you’re feeling poorly.
While I’m still feeling fine.
I guess I’ll get the bread and cheese,
Since I know you’ll bring the whine.

I’ve found for you the perfect job,
For every long, hot Texas Spring.
You could go and play in center field,
Since you always catch something.

You have a backyard garden,
With plants and herbs and ferns.
Yet, you only need a Petri dish,
What you grow best are germs.

I need to ask your height and weight,
I hope it’s not much trouble.
It’s just this year at Christmastime,
I’m buying you a bubble.

Tardy Slip

I’m not going to let it bother me.
So, we’re just a little late.
It doesn’t really matter much.
I’m still feeling great.

No, I’m not.
I lied a bit back there.
We’re running very late again,
And I’m pulling out my hair.

I wish it didn’t bother me.
Just wandering in whenever.
It’s just it makes me crazy,
Being late forever.

Is it really hard to be on time?
I’ve done it now for years,
But some are just incapable,
They’re causing all my tears.

I guess there’s just one way out,
Besides just going out alone.
Just lie about the starting time,
And hurry out from home.

The only other thing to do,
When you find you’re really stressed,
Is to set all your clocks to Central time,
Even though you’re in the West.

Cell Phone Blues

I gave a girl my number,
Since she was really cute.
She called me sixteen times that night,
But my cell phone was on mute.

So, now I have to call her back,
Since I didn’t pick up her call.
I’m sure she thinks I blocked her,
I didn’t hear my phone at all

My ringtone is a song I like,
I just can’t always tell.
I keep missing ladies calling me,
When I hear “Heartbreak Hotel”.

Vacation Packing

It’s vacation time at last.
The tedious part is the packing.
Women start this three or four days early.
Men start when the taxi pulls in the drive.
This is not the only difference in the sexes.

Women need three or four outfits per day.
Morning, afternoon, (afternoon tea), evening.
Men need one pair of pants for dinners, shorts for day.
Maybe an extra shirt per day in case he gets sweaty.
Maybe.
(Hotels do laundry, you know.)

So, women need about one suitcase for every three days.
This is why in college, when I picked up a weekend visitor,
She had a steamer trunk.
It took up most of my Mustang.
My arms still hurt.
(She did look nicely dressed.)

Airlines charge for extra luggage.
I’m getting my checkbook ready.
This is a ten-day trip, so my wife
Will have a ton of luggage.
Literally.
(Eisenhower had less for D-Day.)

I have my carry-on.
I have more electronics than clothes.
I’m ready.

Tears at a Funeral

I’ve seen a lot of death lately.
Three family members since Christmas.
Plus assorted friends and acquaintances.
This is not helpful for the psyche.

Funerals have a guest of honor, but
The guest doesn’t ever say anything.
This is the difference between a funeral and other occasions.
At least, the guest doesn’t have to give a speech.

If you look around at a funeral,
Almost everyone in the room is crying.
Everyone knows why – sadness.
Really?

I used to think everyone was missing the guest of honor.
However, now I think rather differently.
I’m not happy about what I’m thinking now.
This is also not helpful for my psyche.

Some people don’t cry, because at some point,
Somebody told them that crying was bad.
They are suffering inside, and crying would fix this.

Some people are caught up in the moment,
Just like crying at a wedding or sports victory,
They are crying tears of peer pressure.

Some people actually miss the guest.
They assume “he’s in a better place.”
They cry tears of loss and hope.

Some didn’t bother to say “goodbye”, and
They had unfinished business with the guest.
They cry tears of loss and disappointment.

Some are named as beneficiaries, and
Never knew the guest thought of them.
They cry tears of loss and joy.

Some are named as beneficiaries, but
Not to the extent they would like.
They cry tears of bitterness and disappointment.
They don’t have time to suffer loss.

The chosen few are executors.
They will carry on with paperwork
Long after the guest is buried.
I think they cry the most of all.

 

The Battle of Virginia

The battle had raged for hours.
Friend had finally turned to foe.
As generals moved their pieces
On the battleground down below.

The Northern side were winning,
Shoving Rebels to and fro,
But their leaders still were worried,
Southern strength had yet to show.

When the words to lead elude you,
And there’s no place left to go.
You can never just surrender,
Victory is closer than you know.