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Hot Potato

This sounds like a wonderful project!
I’m sure that it will work out splendidly.
In fact, I know just the person to help you with it.

He’s not available at the moment,
But I know he will be happy to jump on it.
I will send you his email with an intro,
So you should feel free to call him anytime.

I will just get out of the way now,
Since I don’t want to impede your progress.
This sounds like a critical project,
So I want the right people on it.

I’m glad I could help!

Conference Calls

A conference call is a lonely place. 
Since it’s all on the phone, 
Not face to face. 

At least you can do other crap.
While this may sound rude, 
It’s more useful than a nap.

You can’t just drop the line,
Since there will be a beep,
And that’s an obvious sign.

You should put your phone on mute.
In case you loudly snore, 
Or play the flute. 

Just listen for your name,
Always be ready to reply, 
Or you will get the blame. 

Time to think

Attendance seems lower at the AirHogs games this year – not a lot, but noticeable. Part of the issue is their schedule sucks – the season started with a three-game home stand and then they left town for ten days. Not exactly a momentum builder. 

Perhaps the reason baseball is being touted as “going away” or “fading” is that in order to enjoy a game, you have to think. This is contrary to football (big guys hitting each other), basketball (tall guys in shorts running around) and hockey (figure skaters with sticks.) 

Baseball does not have a time limit. You play nine innings, no matter how long it takes, unless it rains. You can’t run out the clock. 

There actually is strategy in baseball, even though at first glance, it’s just a guy swinging a bat at a ball. You can change pitchers. You can change hitters. You can change runners. You can try to steal. You can bunt or swing away. You have to think about it. If you can’t think, the manager or coach will tell you what to do. 

Baseball is a statistician’s dream because everything is a number. How many pitches have been thrown? What’s the pitcher’s ERA? What’s the batter’s batting average? slugging average? 

I’m surprised baseball isn’t more popular just because there are so many items you can wager on. 

The AirHogs played two seven-inning games in less than five hours last night. The Super Bowl can take longer than that. 

I’ve never seen the point of basketball – it was invented to have something to do on a rainy day, and it shows. The winner is the team that shoots the best because you basically just tramp up and down the court, trading shots. 

Hockey would probably be more enticing if we had ice around here. Since I never skated, I never saw the point. 

I was rattling off statistics to a guy next to me last night, and he asked if I had played baseball growing up. I think he was surprised I didn’t (I played soccer – which is great exercise, but is also tramping up and down the field, shooting and missing. I played soccer for eight years, but I don’t really like watching it.) 

You can get into baseball without having played it. You can progress from watching to scoring to keeping statistics and doing predictive modeling in less than a 100-game season. 

There’s just one problem with baseball – you have to think. Strategy, statistics and math require the use of your brain. 

That may be baseball’s problem. Perhaps it’s really our problem. 

Baseball

Twenty-seven outs per team.
It’s what you do between them,
That’s what matters.

I appreciate a sport that has
A playbook that says,
“Hit it where they ain’t”.

At our local minor league park,
The umpires’ introductions?
Sponsored by the Lions Club.
(Go Google what they do. It’s hilarious.)

Baseball is a sport anyone can play,
And statisticians all adore.
Someday, I will write a thesis
On the linear relationship
Between beer and runs batted in.

The fans’ beer at the game or the team’s beer from the night before.
I assume one would be
An inverse relationship.

Baseball is.
Baseball was.
Baseball shall be.
The rest is horseshit.

 

Thanks, Joseph!

He’s Dead, Jim

“He’s dead, Jim”.

A doctor’s final diagnosis.
A catch-phrase of sorts. 
Another reminder not to
Wear red in space. 

Death is much easier on TV
Than in real life.
On TV, “He’s dead, Jim”
Then, a commercial.
Or the next scene.

In real life, it’s more complex.
Funerals, wills, codicils. 
You find out who your friends are.
You spend inordinate amounts of time
On minutia. 

I think it was much easier on TV.
It certainly was cleaner. 
Also, the Enterprise only had a five-year mission.
If they went through probate every time
Bones said “He’s dead, Jim”, 
It would have been a much longer series.

 

Paperwork

You know what’s fun?
Not paperwork. 
Well, it’s fun to test new signatures,
Sometimes. 

It’s amazing to me how much paper we create.
Some of it is useful.
Most of it is filed, then tossed away.
Maybe shredded, if nobody should see.

If nobody should see,
Did we really need it in the first place? 

Tomorrow, go to the office, 
Find one of your colleagues,
And say, “Do you have that form from last March?”

If they do, 
Just say “Hoarder!” 
And walk away. 

Better yet, just send him an email.

Valuations Update

So, I got an email this morning telling me that the Appraisal District had a counter-offer for my appraisal. It’s over three grand less than the original – so, not as much as I had asked, but a small victory over the government.

I accepted it so I don’t have to go meet the three old men that own the tax calculations and appraisals in person.

I consider this a victory for the little guy. I’d like to thank my Dad for telling me his protest story or I never would have tried it.

On the other hand, I live in one of the lower-value houses in the cul-de-sac. My neighbors may look down on me now. I’ll get over it.

Protest works. We should protest more.