The Attack on Granny’s Ranch

Everyone should be a rough ‘n’ tough cowboy once in his life.

Editor’s Note: I was at least twelve at this point, since my Grandpa was already gone, but I’m not sure when this was. I hope it wasn’t much later than that!

Once or twice almost every year,
We would visit my Grandma’s ranch.
I would always shed a joyous tear,
Visiting another family branch.

My parents left me with my Granny,
And went off to places still unknown.
She was not really much of a nanny,
So I felt almost home alone.

As I started to drift asleep,
I was quiet as a mouse.
I didn’t hear a peep.
I was the man of the house.

I woke a little bit later,
I could hear a rustling sound.
I didn’t want to wake her,
But there was someone on the ground.

My uncle had at least two tractors,
Parked under the shed.
These I assumed were factors,
For robbing our homestead.

At this point, I saw two choices.
One, Granny pulled out a gun.
The other, hearing stranger’s voices,
She told me to go get one.

I really hoped she had a pistol,
Hidden deep in her nightgown.
Otherwise, clear as crystal,
I was going to shoot a bandit down.

I waited for her to hand me a key,
Hidden behind her necklace cross.
“This is to the gun cabinet, Sweetie.”
I would then become the boss.

There was another option, of course.

I woke Granny, who was trying not to cuss.
While I began to panic, she said,
“Nobody’s gonna bother us.”
“Now, you go back to bed!”

Well, that was anti-climactic.

When I looked out at morning light,
I found we had not been alone.
Sometime in the dark of night,
The cows had come back home.

Progress

The Cutty Sark made seventeen knots,
From London Town to China.
She used the wind to carry tea.
For a time, there were none finer.

The clipper ships were eclipsed
By new ships powered by steam.
The steamship beat the ships with sails,
But sails are still a sailor’s dream.

So, today I’m doing twenty knots,
With diesel-electric power down below.
Three knots faster than the Cutty Sark.
Is it such a better way to go?

Columbus on a Cruise

Imagine if Columbus didn’t have
The Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria.
What if he just took Norwegian?

Sailing out of Barcelona.
Nothing but blue skies and blue seas.
(Maybe a Carnival ship, but that’s confusing.)

“Sir! We’re out of salt tack!”
The buffet is on deck 10.
Washy, Washy. Happy, Happy.

“Sir! I burned my eyes with the sextant.”
Why aren’t you using the GPS?
Why are we steering manually, anyway?

“Sir! When will we arrive?”
We should be in Miami on Tuesday.
I’ll be in the casino.

The Company Store

“You load sixteen tons, what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the company store”
— “Sixteen Tons“, Merle Travis

Tennessee Ernie Ford sang those lines a long time ago, probably the famous version of a song that had been around for a while, and is still heard today. It’s a coal miner’s lament – miners were tied to a mine, living in (and paying rent for) company-owned housing, and forced to buy necessities from the company store, because miners were basically immobile – they never left the mines.

The company store is a target of hatred in story and song – a place where the mining company basically took back most of the wages it paid by selling required goods to the workers at inflated prices. Often, miners weren’t even paid cash – they were paid in scrip, fake money that could only be used at the company store.

It was an unfair practice, one that took automobiles (cheap, personal transportation) and the formation of unions to end.

Imagine a company store today. One selling low-quality products at inflated prices – and selling products that many people don’t even want. However, with this company store, you’re required to buy the products – in fact, if you don’t buy the products, you can pay a fine.

That’s Obamacare. Welcome to the coal mines.

Seco Creek

It’s almost always dusty,
Until the day you nearly drown.
And you’re going to lose your fences
When the Seco Creek comes down.

A dry creek bed is empty,
A failure at its task.
But when its name means “Dry”,
Water may be too much to ask.

Yet, the Seco Creek was running
On the night great-grandpa died.
Mourners rode through Sabinal
To come say their good-byes.

It’s almost always dusty,
Until the day you nearly drown.
And you’re going to lose your fences
When the Seco Creek comes down.

When the rains had finally finished
And the water levels sank
A car still needed horses,
Just to get across the bank.

There are fossils in the Seco,
Another ages’ souvenirs.
So there’s always been dry water,
It’s been flooding here for years.

It’s almost always dusty,
Until the day you nearly drown.
And you’re going to lose your fences
When the Seco Creek comes down.

The Crossing

A long time ago,
My grandfather left Ireland.
He traveled to London,
And then, to America.

It was time to leave his home
For a better home somewhere else.
Joining crowds of immigrants
In a melting pot abroad.

I should thank my grandfather
For deciding to leave Ireland.
If he had not made that choice,
I would be an Irish farmer today,
Except my parents would never have met.

Now, I retrace his route
On board the Norwegian Breakaway.
We sailed from London for New York.
Seven days at sea to the New World.

I don’t think he was in a mini-suite.
He may not have had 24-hour room service.
However, other than that,
We’re historically accurate.

Welcome to America, Grandpa.

Preservation

At home, it seems that
We move our old things to museums.
Then, we can reuse the space for malls.
You can never have enough malls.

In some places (like England),
They move ancient things to museums, but
Their old things are just used.
They are preserved, not for history,
But because they still work.

Castles, for instance.
Cathedrals, where the religion may change,
But the church still stands.
Pubs, too.

Manifest Destiny caused Planned Obsolescence.
If you’re going to go West (young man) anyway,
Your stuff doesn’t have to last quite as long.

It’s sad that we build things we know won’t last.
Everything would be higher quality if we expected
Generations of descendants to use them, as well.

Next time you build a house, try this.
Think “My great-grandchildren will live here.”
Think “People will visit here in 300 years.”
(Thinking “I need a wall to keep the French out” is optional.)