Tag: Modern Age

Tick Tick Tick

April now is underway.
The Spring is sprung.
Bugs are out to play.

Alas, it must be getting near.
To complete the forms.
To shed a tear.

It’s soon will be the filing date.
Receipts and bills.
It’s getting late.

I started out late last year.
I did what I could.
I waited here.

Every year, it seems the same.
January fifth, I’m almost done.
April tenth, I’m quite insane.

April fourteenth, I will announce,
“I’ve sent the damn thing in!”
Hope the check won’t bounce.

Dying Battery Blues

Dying smoke detectors will beep beep beep.
This of course while I was trying to sleep.
I heard it dying, yet beeping away.
Saying, “Your wife should have fixed this yesterday.”

Simple fix – she took the battery out.
But then the alarm began to pout.
Pouting is a long anguished scream.
It is worse than a battery out of steam.

No more napping time will it allow
It wants a battery and it wants it now.
We had an extra one on hand.
Or it would be buried in the sand.

Everyone else went back to bed.
I will go to work sleepy instead.
The smoke alarm doesn’t make a peep.
Which is certainly better than beep beep beep.

Old School

This is old school writing.
It is how I learned to write.
It is probably not for the
“younger generation.”

I write my thoughts.
Sometimes they rhyme.
People read my thoughts.
Sometimes they complain.

Nowadays, this should not
Just be words in stanzas.
There should be a video.
It would have me reading.

I would read the poem.
This way, you can just listen.
While you listen,
You can see me.

Nobody wants that.
Maybe just the words
Scrolling on the screen.
A lyric poem.

Watching it takes longer
Than just reading it.
Plus, before the video,
You can see an ad or two.

Also, the rest of the page
Should have stories about
My life, my wife, my dogs.
Anything that inspired me.

I am sorry, but I am old.
You do not have to film words.
You do not have to read to me.
I can read it by myself.

Plano at Rush Hour

He thinks that no-one will complain,
As he exits from the far left lane.

Kill me.
Kill me now.

She is like a pig in clover,
As she slides her three lanes over.

Kill me.
Kill me now.

He thinks he may have seen a cop.
So, let’s have all on Central stop.

Kill me.
Kill me now.

Some of the smartest people alive,
But none of them know how to drive.

Kill me.
Kill me now.

Life, Simplified

I could just close all my accounts.
Drop all my online presences.
Remove all aspects of me.

There’s a better way.
Here’s how to find your real friends.
They’re connected online, but
They’re connected offline, as well.

Let’s find the people that actually know you.
The ones that know you don’t fit a mold.
Not all your beliefs align with theirs,
But that’s OK with them.

You have a lot of Facebook friends.
Everybody does.
They make a lot of noise.
Who needs that much volume?

Week One of the cleanse.
Change your Facebook photo to
Ted Cruz for President!
See if your friends list diminishes.

Week Two of the cleanse.
New Facebook photo is now
Hillary in 2016! 
Other friends will drop away.

Two weeks into the process,
You’re losing friends left and right.
(See what I did there?)

Week Three of the cleanse.
Facebook photo becomes
Gay Rights For Everyone!
That will make people wonder.

Week Four of the cleanse.
Facebook photo is Jesus.
Jesus for President 2016!
(Actually, He’s ineligible to run,
Unless He can find a Hawaiian birth certificate.)

Now, see how many “friends”
You have left online.
Maybe you didn’t need that
Many friends after all.

Now, ask your real friends
What they thought about the month.
Some will find it hilarious.
Others will just say you’re insane.

Your real friends are any of them
That didn’t even notice.

Feel better?

Love, Today

“I wonder what my Love is doing right now?“
A question for the ages.
The beginning of many love scenes.
You care about someone wherever they may be.

Here’s how it goes down today.
I’m at work, waiting to get picked up.
We’re going to dinner with my Mom.
I’ve completed all possible tasks for the day.

“I wonder what my Love is doing right now?”
Hop onto Family Locator website
She’s shopping.
Hop onto the bank website.
Holy *&^#@#!!!

Back to Family Locator.
She’s still bloody there!
I’m starving!
Where the hell is she?
(Rhetorical. I just found her.)

So, now, I’m starving.
I’m broke.
I’m annoyed.

I don’t really want to know where she is.
Let’s just leave well enough alone.

Multitasking

We are completely wired these days.
You can’t escape the office, no matter where you go.
In fact, you have multiple pathways to the office.
This is a blessing and a curse.

I can answer my emails, Chat online with co-workers,
Watch baseball games (I could, I never would!),
Update Facebook (social networking)
And be on a conference call.

All at the same time.

It’s called multitasking.
Multitasking is great,
Since you get more done.
At least, it can seem that way.

This means, of course,
Not everything gets 100% attention.
So, sometimes, you can get confused.

Here’s some  good tips to help you  –

Re-read all your emails before you press “Send”.
This prevents typos.
Typos could be just misspellings,
Or could be sending “Love you, too, Magic Ass!”
To your customer instead of your wife.

If you answer a question late on a call,
Since you were writing email and chatting,
Always preface with “I’m sorry, I was on mute.”
If you weren’t listening, use the same excuse.

For some reason, if you can’t talk on the phone,
People assume you can’t hear, either.
If you can’t talk or hear, why are you on the phone?

That said –

When you’re on a conference call, go on mute.
This avoids having your dogs heard on the call.
It also avoids yelling “AirHogs WIN!”
When discussing next month’s financials.
Actually, you will still yell it,
If you were watching a game, which I am not,
But at least nobody would hear it.

AirHogs WIN!

After you do your victory dance,
Pick the phone back up, and
If you hear an awkward silence,
Say “I’m sorry, I was on mute.”