The government writes checks to take up the slack,
Why are people so happy to get their own money back?
The government knows where to send everyone’s cash,
So is the census just doing a rehash?
Lord, what a failure this program has been.
Why do we trust these bastards again?
All the numbers that I just copied,
Say “This info furnished to the IRS.”
That’s so nice and easy.
The Feds don’t have to guess.
If they have the info already,
And they design the forms to fill.
Why don’t they just do our taxes?
Then just send us out our bill.
Tax Day is when you realize you’re not the only one pissing away your money.
Editor’s Note: Last year, I “retired”, so my taxes this year were insane. I don’t see a lot of benefits from my payments.
I paid my taxes online.
That way, I don’t have
To drive on broken roads,
To a unsafe neighborhood,
To the understaffed Post Office,
To find out it’s closed.
What do my taxes finance?
I don’t know about you,
But I never drank Obama Kool-Aid.
I’m glad I didn’t.
First of all,
Some misunderstood youth
Stole the flavor packets
From a grocery store.
The water was all donated,
But it might have lead in it,
So drink around it,
Or just hold your nose.
The volunteer women who mix it,
Deserve at least $15 per hour,
And they keep using their penises
To stir it all up.
Luckily, the recipe is on the packet.
Since the White House recipe was lost.
It was securely mailed to Hillary,
And she kept it on her server.
The other big problem so far,
Is that the ice keeps melting,
But not nearly as fast as people predicted.
Scientists are examining this.
The original price was forty-nine cents
And that was for a sixteen-ounce glass.
But, with the amount of people each glass supports,
It’s now seven thousand dollars for six ounces.
Seven thousand dollars is a lot for a drink,
But luckily, there are people who don’t want it,
So they will pay for yours.
They deserve to pay for yours.
You can have any flavor you want,
As long as you want cherry.
Remember, dead Chicagoans prefer it
Two to one over any other beverage.
You have to use a special glass.
You might have been told you could use your glass,
But that was incorrect.
The government will sell you the glass.
If you’ve drunk the Kool-Aid,
You may want to brush your teeth.
This sounds like a wonderful project!
I’m sure that it will work out splendidly.
In fact, I know just the person to help you with it.
He’s not available at the moment,
But I know he will be happy to jump on it.
I will send you his email with an intro,
So you should feel free to call him anytime.
I will just get out of the way now,
Since I don’t want to impede your progress.
This sounds like a critical project,
So I want the right people on it.
I’m glad I could help!
Religion and Politics don’t mix.
The latest proof was in North Miami.
Someone said Jesus endorsed her for Mayor.
She finished last.
Dead last.
She got fifty-six votes.
Twelve votes would have been symbolic.
Fifty-six is just sad.
She finished seventh.
There must be six other Messiahs
That are more involved in local politics.
Football players always thank God
After they win a difficult game.
I think the “after” part is key.
Perhaps if you depend on God for wins,
You should wait until you achieve victory.
Just in case.
Otherwise, you make Him look uninterested.
And you make yourself look a bit crazy.
Unfiltered Thoughts 