April now is underway.
The Spring is sprung.
Bugs are out to play.
Alas, it must be getting near.
To complete the forms.
To shed a tear.
It’s soon will be the filing date.
Receipts and bills.
It’s getting late.
I started out late last year.
I did what I could.
I waited here.
Every year, it seems the same.
January fifth, I’m almost done.
April tenth, I’m quite insane.
April fourteenth, I will announce,
“I’ve sent the damn thing in!”
Hope the check won’t bounce.
I finished my taxes Thursday.
This was a day early.
Actually, it was four days early.
The deadline changed again.
Taxes used to be simple.
April 15th.
The Ides of April.
(Just realized that.)
April 15th is my birthday eve.
So, that also made it easy.
If I was trying to avoid a party,
My taxes were due.
I guess it’s now a floating holiday.
Just like all the other holidays.
George? Abraham?
You were born on the 18th this year.
The government writes checks to take up the slack,
Why are people so happy to get their own money back?
The government knows where to send everyone’s cash,
So is the census just doing a rehash?
Lord, what a failure this program has been.
Why do we trust these bastards again?
All the numbers that I just copied,
Say “This info furnished to the IRS.”
That’s so nice and easy.
The Feds don’t have to guess.
If they have the info already,
And they design the forms to fill.
Why don’t they just do our taxes?
Then just send us out our bill.
Tax Day is when you realize you’re not the only one pissing away your money.
Editor’s Note: Last year, I “retired”, so my taxes this year were insane. I don’t see a lot of benefits from my payments.
I paid my taxes online.
That way, I don’t have
To drive on broken roads,
To a unsafe neighborhood,
To the understaffed Post Office,
To find out it’s closed.
What do my taxes finance?
There’s one for you, nineteen for me
Today you file, if you owe.
Refunds filed long ago.
Tax forms can be quite a bitch,
The IRS thinks that we’re all rich.
We pay for months and months before,
And then today, some pay some more.
For some, it seems a source of mirth,
I just don’t think I got my money’s worth.
I don’t know about you,
But I never drank Obama Kool-Aid.
I’m glad I didn’t.
First of all,
Some misunderstood youth
Stole the flavor packets
From a grocery store.
The water was all donated,
But it might have lead in it,
So drink around it,
Or just hold your nose.
The volunteer women who mix it,
Deserve at least $15 per hour,
And they keep using their penises
To stir it all up.
Luckily, the recipe is on the packet.
Since the White House recipe was lost.
It was securely mailed to Hillary,
And she kept it on her server.
The other big problem so far,
Is that the ice keeps melting,
But not nearly as fast as people predicted.
Scientists are examining this.
The original price was forty-nine cents
And that was for a sixteen-ounce glass.
But, with the amount of people each glass supports,
It’s now seven thousand dollars for six ounces.
Seven thousand dollars is a lot for a drink,
But luckily, there are people who don’t want it,
So they will pay for yours.
They deserve to pay for yours.
You can have any flavor you want,
As long as you want cherry.
Remember, dead Chicagoans prefer it
Two to one over any other beverage.
You have to use a special glass.
You might have been told you could use your glass,
But that was incorrect.
The government will sell you the glass.
If you’ve drunk the Kool-Aid,
You may want to brush your teeth.
I prefer death.
(What? Too short?)
We should be able to
Earmark our tax dollars.
Pick the programs you need.
Pay for what you believe in.
Pick what you want.
Pay for what sounds sexy.
Defund the wasteful.
(Since Congress won’t.)
I bet NASA and the military
Would get fully funded
(from the fly-over states.)
We like guns and astronauts.
Welfare would get slashed,
Because people in power
Just want to help the poor
With your money,
Not with their own.
We’d have less bridges to nowhere.
We’d have less weird studies.
We might have more security.
We might get out of debt.
Do you know why they passed an amendment
For the government to collect income taxes?
Because only an idiot would give
The government his money voluntarily.
Ouch.
Damn.
I hate April 15th.
I don’t mind paying for NASA.
We need all our armed forces.
We need trains and highways.
We should protect our resources.
Some of the rest is a waste.
The TSA is worthless.
They don’t make us feel secure.
Tell airlines, “It’s your problem.”
That could be a cure.
Need a job?
Don’t shed another tear.
Go be a farmer in Mexico.
(All their farmers are here.)
The best way to save money?
How to shrink the budget’s girth?
It’s really very simple.
Just pay Congress what they’re worth.
So, I got an email this morning telling me that the Appraisal District had a counter-offer for my appraisal. It’s over three grand less than the original – so, not as much as I had asked, but a small victory over the government.
I accepted it so I don’t have to go meet the three old men that own the tax calculations and appraisals in person.
I consider this a victory for the little guy. I’d like to thank my Dad for telling me his protest story or I never would have tried it.
On the other hand, I live in one of the lower-value houses in the cul-de-sac. My neighbors may look down on me now. I’ll get over it.
Protest works. We should protest more.
Unfiltered Thoughts 